Also, social media revive power. This blog has been inactive for two years, but we have made it active again.
-2x2L System
2 years ago
Nonbinary Wiki
@nonbinarywiki
The Nonbinary Wiki is the biggest online resource about nonbinary gender identities. And it's free! This is the official blog of the wiki, where we will be explaining and announcing changes to the project. We also have an open mail box for you to ask us anything. Just click on the mail icon below. Anonymous questions are welcome! Check us out here:
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Background for all four slides is the genderfluid pride flag, made of 5 horizontal stripes which are pink, white, purple, black, and blue. Text: October 15-21 of 2023 is Genderfluid Visibility Week! A week to celebrate and uplift folks whose gender changes over time;and a week to educate people about this identity. Feel free to repost/share these graphics wherever you like!
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> Educational Links about Genderfluidity! bit.ly/gfcarrd - Explains the basics and gives some quotes from genderfluid people bit.ly/gfonwiki - Nonbinary Wiki page on Genderfluid bit.ly/gf101 - Great article for those who want to learn deeper
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> Things to Remember
> • Not all genderfluid ppl consider
> themselves nonbinary or trans.
> • A genderfluid person’s pronouns
> might change or might not.
> • They do not need to dress or act
> in any specific way to be “valid”.
> • They may have any orientation.
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> Thank you for reading!
Credit to Juice For this Wonderful Graphic
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Hi there! Combining pronouns is very common, including using both he and she pronouns. Many people ask for consistently alternating pronouns, while others use different pronouns in different situations.
I’m not sure whether you mean that you would always use “he” as a subject pronoun and “her” as an object pronoun; using a specific pronoun for each pronoun type is less common, but you are certainly not the first to consider it (it’s an idea I know I’ve thought of, though not put into practice except private experimenting). People may even find that guidance easier to follow than being asked to alternate pronouns without clear rules.
Some people may have questions; you might get very practiced at anticipating and answering them. In writing, your pronouns can be explained before they’re used, eg., “(name) uses he and her pronouns, he is referred to as he and her throughout.” And in person, if people get confused about using what are seen as different pronoun sets, someone can clarify, “he’s one person, who uses he and her pronouns.”
Even if a certain usage of pronouns is uncommon or never-before-seen, if it feels best to you then that’s extremely important! Those who are invested in respecting you will put in the effort to affirm you by using your pronouns.
For more on pronouns, check out the Nonbinary Wiki page on the subject: https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Pronouns
- Mortal
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Hi there! Genderfluid and genderqueer are nonbinary identities! Nonbinary simply means you aren’t always and exclusively a binary gender. If you identify as nonbinary then you are nonbinary, you are not fake and you are not alone.
Also, presentation is different from gender! Your nonbinary identity is completely valid no matter how you present. Fluidity and fluctuation is a valid and common aspect of many people’s nonbinary identity.
Check out some of the pages on our wiki for more info:
https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Genderfluid
https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Nonbinary
https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Genderqueer
- Mortal
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Hey there. According to some cursory research, it’s safe to wear a bra to sleep. The reason binders aren’t safe to wear long term is because of the constrictive nature of the garment, but as long as your bra isn’t too tight it should be perfectly fine to wear to bed. Plenty of people are most comfortable with that. If you do experience any kind of breathing problems or pain definitely speak to a doctor, but it really shouldn’t be an issue with a regular or sports bra!
- Mortal
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I’m assuming you feel guilty because of the link between it/its pronouns and objects/“dehumanisation”? I’d suggest reminding yourself that pronouns are subjective to everybody, and you are a person regardless of what pronouns you use (unless the opposite is why you’re using them?). You shouldn’t feel guilty over using the pronouns someone prefers, as pronouns are meant to make you the most comfortable as yourself. I use it/its myself, as a means of reclaiming the dehumanisation I’ve received as a disabled, queer person.
- Shay
Just want to add- practice makes perfect, and reminding yourself that the person using “it/its” is a person and those pronouns are affirming for that person! Just as you wouldn’t feel guilty for calling someone “she” even though other people who don’t use those pronouns wouldn’t like them, be gentle with yourself about using “it” for someone who feels more comfortable with those pronouns. Hope this helps!
- Mortal
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That makes perfect sense! If you feel like you could be nonbinary, it’s absolutely worth looking into and experimenting with. You don’t need anything to “be valid”, if you’re identifying honestly. Unfortunately we cannot tell you anything about your identity for sure, as it is very subjective. Feel free to send in more asks as you search more, though!
- Shay
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I’m unsure of the question here, though honestly however you proceed is up to you. You could come out to your family and do things through that method, introduce yourself at school and then ask your name to be changed on registers/ask teachers and friends to refer to you differently, or stay in the closet. Considering you’re starting in a new country where I assume nobody knows you, it will be easier to get people to change how they refer to you as it will be from the get-go. If you do choose to come out, I would suggest not “being easy”, as it were, on people adjusting name/pronouns. From experience, they fix it a lot quicker if you correct them every time.
- Shay
For more coming out advice, check out this post: https://nonbinarywiki.tumblr.com/post/613774542231552000/coming-out-advice
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I’d suggest sitting your parents down, explaining what neopronouns are, why you’d like to use xe/xem, and explain how to use them. Give them a few ways to learn how to use them. If you’re planning on moving to just using neopronouns, I’d suggest giving them a ‘grace period’ where they can use he/him or xe/xem, but over time correct them to xe/xem more and more if they’re having trouble using them more than xe/xem.
- Shay
Our wiki has information about xe/xem and other pronouns and links to Pronoun Island that you might find useful as shareable resources: https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/English_neutral_pronouns Good luck!
- Mortal
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Identifying as male is different for every person. Unfortunately it’s not really something someone else can define for you, as gender is a very personal, individual experience. I don’t think anybody on the team is a philosopher of any kind, so it’s not something we can really help with. For me, my connection to being male (as a nonbinary masc-aligned person) is a result of the comfort that comes with connecting myself to masc-pronouns, terms, and sometimes presentation.
- Shay
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Hi there! I’d be happy to write a few sentences for Theia using aer pronouns. I hope ae is proud of aerself for exploring what pronouns ae feels most comfortable with! I’m grateful for the opportunity to practice using aer pronouns to refer to Theia. I hope ae takes good care of aerself!
- Mortal
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Thanks for letting us know, I’ve passed this on to our Wiki handlers!
- Mortal
It looks like clearing cookies for the Wiki may help with this issue; hope that helps anyone who’s facing this problem!
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i sent an ask a few minutes ago (afab, experimenting with pronouns, likes being perceived as male or androgynous etc) and felt it was important to include i cant experiment with expression out of my friend group/online because i live in a very conservative and religious country where h*te cr*mes against the lgbt are common sadly
Hello! It sounds like you could be nonbinary with more gender euphoria than dysphoria. I’d suggest just experimenting with pronouns and searching through labels if you want one.
As for the physical expression problem, I’ve found it helps just imagining myself in different outfits, especially with things like picrews or avatar makers to get a sense of my reaction to different types of expression.
- Shay
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Hello! Transmasc (short for transmasculine) can refer to a transgender person (typically AFAB) person who identifies with a masculine gender, feels a connection to masculinity, or is transitioning in a masculine way. A transmasc person can feel a connection to masculinity while still identifying with a fem-aligned gender, and can identify as a transmasculine lesbian.
- Shay
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It is very good that you recognize the toxicity of that time. It seems like it is being reclaimed by the community in some ways, but some people still do consider it offensive. The fact that you recognize that is a very good thing!
In terms of your Gender assigned at both, that totally does not matter in your use of a particular identity or term. You may not fit into the “anatomical” stereotypes of a femboy, but that absolutely does not me you are excluded from using that term!
—Lauren
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Hi there! Locally, you may want to see if there is an LGBT center or any local LGBT groups or clubs available in your area. Online, a good place to start might be Discord - the Nonbinary Wiki has a Discord you can join through this link: https://discord.gg/XpweRRF You can search for trans and LGBT Discords on a site like Disboard. You may also have luck in trans and LGBT Facebook groups, or looking for local Facebook groups where you can look for other trans folks you’d like to befriend. You may also run into trans people in unrelated groups online based on your hobbies and interests. Good luck!
- Mortal
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Hey! I’m really sorry about that situation, your feelings of being violated are completely valid. Yes, that does mean you were outed. Unless you explicitly give them permission to tell others about your gender and/or sexuality, someone sharing that information about you is considered being outed. If you feel like your class needs a better explanation of your identity, talk to your teacher about what happened and how you would like to explain your identity to your class yourself to clear up any confusion. Good luck on transitioning, and I hope everything goes okay!
- Sage
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Hi again! That could certainly work, though of course it’ll be up to you on the specifics of your decisions. When you mentioned Zuko, the first thought that came to my mind was making a nonbinary Uncle Iroh stand-in, which is along the lines of what it sounds like you’re suggesting.
- Mortal
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Hi there! If you have access to a computer, you can use Discord on your web browser, or download the app and join the server from there! Here’s a fresh invite: https://discord.gg/XpweRRF
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Hi there! The way you think of and perceive yourself can definitely be an indication of your gender identity. For example, I’m genderfluid; when I am a man, I do indeed consider my gender an integral part of my self-perception, whereas when I am agender I relate more to the sensation you described of gender being basically irrelevant to my self-perception. As you said, only you can discover what all of this means for you, but maybe it helps to know that what you described is something I have heard frequently from nonbinary, and especially agender people. I wish you luck in your journey of self-discovery! Thank you for writing in.
-Mortal
Hi! I think what you’re feeling is tied to both gender identity and gender expression. To me at least, it sounds like you don’t see yourself as having a gender and you like various different styles of clothes/outfits. If this is how you feel then there’s definitely a possibility for you to be agender. Just because you don’t think about a gender when thinking about your identity doesn’t mean that you have to dress androgynous and can’t lean more towards masculine or feminine styles sometimes. Someone can see themselves as genderless but still dress however they want. I hope you understand what you’re feeling soon, good luck! - Sage
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Hi there, you could consider including other nonbinary characters that aren’t antagonists, so that there is a greater range of nonbinary representation in your work. I like to keep in mind Adichie Chimamanda’s idea of “the danger of a single story,” that telling only one kind of story about marginalized people can feed into stereotypes; adding more, different kinds of stories and marginalized characters can help sidestep that issue. Happy writing!
- Mortal
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If you want to change your name, that’s completely up to you. Whether extremely or minutely. There’s nothing you’re ‘supposed’ to do when you go by she/they pronouns, because what that means is entirely up to you.
- Shay
You can read more about names and pronouns on our wiki: https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Pronouns and https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Names. Best of luck on your journey, anon!
- Mortal
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It’s absolutely possible! You can also have fluctuating dysphoria related to pronouns. While it’s a common experience to feel uncomfortable during shark week, that can be related to dysphoria. And going by two, or more, sets of pronouns is entirely possible! I myself go by nine.
- Shay
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Hi Ryn :) It stinks that your family hasn’t been accepting, but I hope you can be proud that you took the step of coming out to them even though it’s been tough.
Sadly, convincing people isn’t easy to do, if you want to try going that route you can try thinking of values that are important to them and finding a way to tie them into respecting and understanding nonbinary identity, or look for people whose opinions they respect who might provide you some backup, either in your community or online.
My best advice is probably setting boundaries. Explain in simple terms how it makes you feel and explain the steps you will take if they aren’t willing to respect you. Sometimes the most effective thing is to explain how their actions affect you, how you feel and what they can do to help, and if that isn’t enough to help them see why it’s important, then the next step is setting clear boundaries. An example might be “If you aren’t able to make an effort to respect my name, I will have to spend less time around you, since it really hurts my feelings.” And then, following through if your requests aren’t met. It isn’t ideal or easy, but setting these boundaries can help protect your mental health and sometimes helps the other parties understand the consequences of their actions and work to change.
In the meantime, I’d focus on seeking outside support, and doing things to care for yourself, as this kind of invalidation from people close can really take a toll. You deserve to be seen and respected. I hope your family will come to understand that your identity is worthy of recognition. Good luck.
-Mortal
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Yes! Please see here: https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Androgyne for our page on androgyne gender.
- Shay
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Hello! I understand this is a hard time you’re going through. Ways I’ve found to combat anger at a transphobic world is focus on good trans things more than bad. Uplift and socialise with other trans people, educate people, etc.
- Shay
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That would be perfectly valid! It’s just like anyone else having a nickname that they use in some situations and not others. It’s common for even cis people to have one name that they mostly use in legal and professional settings and a nickname they use in familiar settings. It’s not weird or confusing at all. Hope this helps!
-Mortal
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If it feels right to you, the length of time you spent considering it doesn’t change that! Honestly, as soon as I discovered that transgender and nonbinary exist, I knew that was me. Even if you didn’t spend a lot of time doing research and considering it, you still spent your whole life before then getting to know yourself. You are valid whether it took years to figure it out or if you knew instantly!
-Mortal
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It is absolutely valid to question and explore. If you try out different things and eventually figure out that you’re most comfortable identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth, then that’s great! Everyone can learn about themselves by exploring gender, even if they aren’t trans or nonbinary themselves. Hope this helps!
- Mortal