•beautiful •chaotic• honest thoughts only

what if, dahil sa sobrang daming nangyareng masama this year. what if ayaw mo na?

kakaloka bare minimum lang today, at today pa talaga napiling mag bare minimum 😂

di ko alam kung sala lang ba talaga sa timing or hindi maalam mag recognize ng milestones

you know what’s ironic?

after a decade of being in a relationship, you found your self. you found you. you found yourself being okay with doing just you.

“I try again and again to console my heart and pick the flowers that grow in the midst of hell.”

— Hermann Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund

well you know, you are not okay when you cry at action films

I just wanna heal and be a better person.

Lord, kailangan ko lang tapangan diba?

Funny, how I fall back in love to reading again. Feels like I’m having my single life mood era again.

Deserve natin yung mga tao na hindi tayo bibigyan ng trauma but then again we are not living in a perfect world and we are not perfect either.

Hay yoko na mag isip.

Kapeng maalat dahil sa umaagos na mga luha.

ILUT (kahit sobrang sakit na)

It’s the time to start being brave with or without….

Never thought that getting to the other side of the bridge is gonna be so fucking hard.

UGH bubuhayin na naman natin ito para sa mga feelings na hindi natin ma proseso ng ayos.

Some things never change and a lot of things do change.

The older you get the more you weep 😪 watching The Notebook.

still tired from whirlpool of emotions, everything seems fake

welcome to unhinged era!

https://www.instagram.com/p/CAS6N0UH-0I/?igshid=1cj7blmpba06v

I feel trapped just like this little guy

I hope we heal for all the things we don’t talk about.

Source

manifesting ✨

2022 Reminders to self:

1. Try harder

2. Do something about it

Life check at 2021

Just a quick rundown of what happened this year, still on pandemic times:

• Surprisingly had my 1st anniversary working as an official gov’t employee (in my 6 years of service)

• Never had Covid throughout the year, thank God!

• Still counting my blessings

• Did my best to reinvent my self (did strict low carb diet, learned how to dress up and do my hair and make up, learned how to cook, learning how to supervise a household, focused on my self and not care about almost everything even work 😈)

• Moved in to a new place which I’m really proud of (phew! the effort we had to put in just to move)

• On my best effort in communicating my feelings more

• Still not pouring my heart out when it comes to work (hmm I’ll keep trying)

• Got overwhelmed by a lot of things, personally and professionally (my gosh, I was really walking on eggshells all the time)

• Still growing up (it’s messy, dirty, catastrophic) but I’m still trying to get up despite the weight of everything

• Can afford a lot of things unlike before but there’s a huge part of me that went missing

• Not satisfied on my professional work (it wasn’t a good year at work, really! but I’m still here maybe I’ll do better next year)

• Growing slowly on social media STILL growing

• Still fickle minded on almost everything

• Survived 3 wisdom teeth extraction

• Spent a lot (lol) like A LOT

• Finished my advance virtual Japan training

• Submitted my final paper on time, Geneva Time (not my best work tho)

• Got creative on producing digital content and willing to learn more

• Made so many coffee <3

• Haven’t had time to read (I’m so ashamed)

• Not feeling my self most of time (I should do something about this, really! srsly!)

• Still doing my best to keep my self sane

• Haven’t got the chance to make friends (I must be living in my own bubble for quite sometime and being comfortable with it)

• Being able to help more and provide more

• Highlight of my year:

- Someone said to me, “You have an impressive resume” but in the end not good enough. It was so sad but it was such a pleasure to talk to my kind of people and connect to them instantly even in just a small amount of time. It was home for a minute.

- Knowing that I made an impact on someone’s life which for me, was really hard to believe

Just to summarize, it was not really my best year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for all the blessings, really. The problem is just me. I did not put out my heart and soul on days when I really need to. I just walked my days out with an empty vessel.

everything comes full circle

“

Franz Kafka, The Diaries of Franz Kafka: 1910-1913

Yes. Sorry. But yes, I’m not excited or merry or anything. And it’s okay. If everyone is deliriously happy about Christmas then it’s okay if I’m not feeling the same way because that’s just how I feel. It’s almost 2022, maybe we should put out the pressure of being christmas-y and just be okay with being not that merry.

op. vi — hello, november

It’s true what they say,

“It’s not always 🌈 🌈🌈and 🦋 🦋🦋- It’s compromise that moves us along”