still around, don’t worry

oh, thank you!

1) John Adams

John Adams was a tireless advocate for the revolution (i.e. topping from the bottom) and he once described himself as “obnoxious, suspected, and unpopular” - “he was known for his bluntness, impatience, and tendency to be easily frustrated with those who disagreed with him.” As a brat in Congress, his personality was repulsive, but everyone listened to him and they all still wanted him. They wanted him so bad they made him president. Kind of makes you think.

His match:

Adams needs someone with a strong personality to challenge his - someone who’s not afraid to repel the mainstream in order to realize their vision. Gaga has it, and he needs it. “Bad Romance” in many way encompasses Adams’ struggles through the 1776 Continental Congress. They could teach each other much.

2) Theodore Roosevelt

A man dedicated to the preservation of natural parks and ecological wonders - and for what? To run through the trees under the full moon as his pheromones wafted through the air? We know.

His match:

Grimes once described herself as becoming “way less gay” after she became pregnant, which is 1) weird, and 2) the reason I’m sticking her with Teddy. I don’t think that he could fix her completely, but she seems the type to maintain no moral compass of her own, simply adopting the political ideology of whomever she’s with, so maybe there’s hope. Maybe Grimes could introduce Teddy to shrooms, and Teddy could take her out on trips in the forest. And then we can find out if Grimes getting a man pregnant makes her more or less gay.

3) Richard Nixon

Best known for his one legendary debate with the handsome JFK, wherein he became a stuttering, sweating mess, unable to focus or say what he meant. Interesting!

His match:

Bisexual icon Taylor Swift is also struggling to appease both sides of the political aisle. They could share their woes and their love of good ol’ fashioned Americana, and then Taylor could tie him to the wall and make him bark like a dog. The pregnancy would be difficult on both of them with Taylor’s extremely busy schedule, and Nixon would regrettably terminate it in the second trimester, causing a rift in the relationship that would never be mended. The resulting laments that Taylor composed about Nixon’s abortion would of course be dissected and attributed to a secret relationship with a woman - Nixon’s wife.

I welcome critical analysis.

ALT

ALT

ALT

ALT

this website is so damn hard to explain to the outside world

@free-post-store

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balatro would be more interesting to me if it was about mahjong

oh!

WHJAT

hi everyone. i scheduled my first vaginoplasty consult for later this month

what the hell…

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this website’s easy watch. *dangles a bunch of greek gods like keys*

i know what i’m doing dw

Keep in mind I only know like. Two Greek gods by name. Homer is one of them, and he was good friends with Odysseus I think?

Wait fuck Homer isn’t a god he wrote the fucking thing. Fuck

POST CANCELLED NO ONE LOOK

desperately google searching for “greek gods to pray to when people notice your online idiocy”

You’re failing.

You don’t think I know that, God of Death? Can I pray to you so I can DIE ALREADY

Pluto is Roman, not Greek

?????

Short version is that Pluto is a later name for the god of death, which is often associated with the Roman era/Roman mythology. Hades is the earlier name.

I set up my own house made of sticks and it has promptly fallen on me

HE’S NOT EVEN REAL?????*

I made this post thinking I knew what kind of fire I was playing with. Hephaestus, God of Fire, looking upon me from his fuck off tower or whatever said “Oh you think you know? Check this shit” and promptly set my post ablaze for everyone to observe

Hephaestus doesn’t have a tower, he lived in a volcano

FINE THEN. BIG FUCK OFF VOLCANO. WHATEVER

wrong.

Achievement Unlocked:

Lightning Bait

You’re basically doing the post equivalent of standing out in a field during a storm with a ten-foot copper pole, you better hope Zeus is busy hiding from Hera.

FUCK’S SAKE NOT AGAIN

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All my haters become aligators when I activate my gatorinator.

you laugh now, but when my gatorinator is ready, it’s all over

update:

transmogrifying my haters into an animal that is known for something called the “death roll” has backfired in a manner no one could have forecasted

Having taken stock of the situation, it’s not as bad as I originally thought. It’s not like these crocodilians are an urgent problem, much less a representation of my own mortality. There’s no ticking clock here.

well now you’re just doing this on purpose

ALT

I think that’s the highest tags forecast I have received so far.

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one of the funniest things to me is being mutuals with a ton of larger blogs but just being immune to blog growth. your awesomeness does not In fact rub off. certified flops ONLY on this blog.

yall we can keep some of these to ourselves yknow. you don’t have to reblog, you can keep scrolling.

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That isn’t very close to my name.

can’t believe that they got you name so wrong, pukecock

What the fuck did you do to your tumblr

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good for you

meow

should I make a fandom thing for all the gimmicks?

–

Keep reading

Yeah let’s do it.

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How much for one ☝️ Khriz

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A new study finds that Apple has some of the highest employee turnover rates of any tech company. Google “apple turnover” for more information.

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love to purchase items but at what cost

are you running fucking 8 bit tumblr? is this a screenshot of a dsi? this screenshot looks like someones first attempt at minecraft pixel art.

This took me like 45 minutes, please reblog it

I could crossdtich this is I wanted

Ok so

This took way too long

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got obliterated by a 1-2 combo of truly heinous shirts at the mall shirt store today

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Wait, it got better.

He does this a lot, to my deep surprise in undergrad:

For reference, the reason nobody likes this book and you can press tofu with it is that it’s about 1600 pages long.

It’s also, by all accounts, the origin of Cousin Throckmorton

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Gimme a drink bartender

🥸🥃____🤠

🥸_🥃___🤠

🥸__🥃__🤠

🥸___🥃_🤠

🥸____🥃🤠

🥸_____🤠🥃

🥸_____🤠_🥃

🥸_____🤠_💥

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This government is a corporation 30 trillion dollars in debt

I could fix her

WRONG POST

I’m seeing some big names in the notes. I’m not scared until I see pm

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Apropos of (almost) nothing: I’m the kind of pedant who dislikes calling tentacle porn “tentacle porn” not because I think it’s aberrant but because, 98% of the time, what’s being depicted are octoform arms or tendrils, not tentacles. Tentacles are defined by the clubbed ends, which are the only part that have suckers. If it’s tapered and has suckers all the way down, it’s an octoform arm; if it has no suckers at all, it’s a tendril.

You’re welcome.

This site has gotta be the weirdest way to learn things

new knowledge for me and all my fellow mobster fuckers dropped

Eh, boss. We nose you and Tony are ya know, badda boom, but I thinks ya made a typo dar.

Gawd damn it, Frankie. This is what I get for trying to type with these tentacle thumbs.

@free-post-store

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Good or bad

Posts worth 0 dollars

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that’s only one mice?

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Why then do the letters not change to their respective symbols? I love your facts. But i also enjoy logic.

Because it only makes you push the right half of the shift key, the half that makes letters capitals. If you want symbols you have to push the left side or the entire shift key.

Don’t expect logic from a board that orders its letters qwertyuiop instead of abcdefhgij.

h comes before g

Not if h does that thing with her finger.

this too is yuri

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*jumps like a cat with a cucumber*

Killed a spider n now I feel bad :/

Why did you say that

Okay, so it takes 9 months to make a baby human; that’s about 3 kg.

A baby spider, by contrast, weighs about 1 mg; roughly 3 million times lighter.

So…you could give birth to a healthy baby spider in about…8 seconds? Like it’s not a big inconvenience.

tumblr user saturnine-powerbomb is on the other side of the cave, churning out spiders as fast as Georg can shovel them into his mouth

Mmffgghh >~<

what

nuke this website

and make it more irradiated? that would be a sight to see!

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I wuv gimmick bwogs dey’we da wabid middwe schoowews of da tumbwr ecosystem UwU

This post has been UwU-ified!

! ’ - …

4/22

Prime example all over here

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where the FUCK did my phone go

nvm i used it to post this

people reblogging this. now i know how court jesters feel.

Notes are slowing down eh?

Mutuals. You’ve done it before.

Let’s give gayoticbeing a heart attack. Spam ‘em

New goal. 3k. Only about 500 ish notes are needed. Let’s go. WAR NEVER CHANGES!

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she did

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flaming hot cheetos

No. No, there is literally NO reason for this to end up a 10k post, I did nothing but sit here at my desk and type “flaming hot cheetos” onto my Tumblr post maker while eating flaming hot cheetos. THIS ISN’T ANYTHING AT ALL. THIS HAS NO REASON TO HIT 10K. AND IT WILL NOT HIT 10K!!

but with YOUR HELP, we can CHANGE THAT!

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I feel like I might need a better explanation, I’m not sure I understand what you mean

tch… easy

i dont care how sensory deprived i am you will never make me learn tengu stone combos!!!

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