jeff goldblum

Nick Kroll

Matthias Bluebaum

Anonymous asked:

Matthias Bluebaum - entj?

If someone says i’m quiet they don’t know me at all.

sam seder

Hey! Yeah, it’s a little thing I did when conceptualizing my portrayals of both INTJ and ENFP. I’m an ENFP myself and I’ve always had a harder time being able to relate to the stereotypical portrayal of Enfp (mainly due to the fact that they’re portrayed at type 7s) (again, I’m a 4w3). Sooooo I figured I’d have some fun with my versions of the mbti types and really flesh them out by assigning them enneagrams I feel would match what I had in mind.

Enfp- 2w3

Gemini sun

Cancer moon

Pisces rising

Intj- 5w4

Capricorn sun

Capricorn moon

Pisces rising

bro..

i wanna get into mbti n ennegrams so bad but i dont even know where to staaarttt!! all i know rn is that im enfp and sx2..??? maaybe so7 or.. so9?? i dont even know atp i need someone to get into my brain frfr

Anon wrote: Hello, 17 y/o neurodivergent (audhd, ocd) enfp here!

First off, I wanna say thank you for your blog. It has been helping me for the past two years and definitely an helpful source for me moving forward.

(Thank you in advance, and I apologize for the messy writing !!!)

Ok so — I been friends with 18 y/o neurodivergent (autistic? Adhd? Most likely have bipolar discorder) infj since we were elementary school. We both had our moments and at some point we stopped being friends because of some drama. But she apologized to me and I accepted it, and we been like glued ever since.

Until recently, I feel like the glue has been wearing off. For the longest time, I feel like she had more control over me. Though she always said I have control over what I want, wants me to not be a people pleaser and I can be friends whoever I wanted to be. She’s a really caring person, thoughtful, a good problemsolver and loves to take care of children, animals, etc. She loves me dearly and cares for me like i’m her son. But I feel like she’s…very dependent on the role, and she can be a really good manipulator. She grew up in poverty and is the oldest sister, so you can imagine how she had to take care of her brothers (whos also neurodivergent and one of them needs higher support needs). She has went through toxic friendships and relationships, and used to drink/do drugs everyday. She tries to find solutions and tries to do stuff like a mother does (tho i feel like it can be unhealthy), but sometimes her solutions/ideas isnt always the best and it has puts us in different social situations that we didnt want (though im not any better either).

She’s sober now (thank gosh), but I definitely can see how that affects her decision making and though what she went through isn’t her fault. But I know it doesn’t change the fact I feel unsafe with her. What I was told by my ex friend, she would push her opinions on me and only seems like she’s okay with what I do unless it works for her, like my boundaries. It messes up how i perceive boundaries because i feel like I have to go out of my way to care for people and push my limits because it shows how much i really care for someone vs when to stop the breaks and set boundaries (this is very black and white I feel like…). We’re also not very similar, to the point we clash. I always feel like I have to agree with her (ik we can disagree but sometimes most things she says, its easier to hide my truth thoughts. Especially in the unideal social situations we were put into. I usually regret it).

Her emotions are on a thin line, she’s more prone to get angry due to growing up with violence and it would scare me. I grew up with unpredictably (not knowing if something I do will upset the other person, always being overly criticized for every move I do, my emotions are too much, etc). I just recently experienced s/a by that same ex-friend (whos also someone I was in a situationship with. Cant believe im saying this, oh well!) two months and it has activated my fight or flight a lot more, I run away from problems or people that scares me (which has always been a thing about me) but this definitely made me back away from her a lot more due to our recent conversations. The fear I feel around her has been constantly building up for the past two years. This fear all started is when last year in the beginning of the school year, I remember she wanted a serious talk with me and p’ much dump all the things she didn’t like how I acted for past couple months, which caused me to fear until now about how I act because im afraid she will do the same. I wish she at least tried to talk to me in the moment instead of now, she did it because she doesnt like getting angry at people she loves. Theres more moments like this but thats one of them. Is it normal to be scared of your own friend whenever they text you or just talking to you bc youre afraid of any criticism or them getting mad at you altogether? I understand she had told me the things above and all, basically I know she would be willing to listen to criticism. In September, she recently told me how she felt like I was treating her like a backup friend when I dont see her that way, i constantly choose to sit with her during lunch. And she waited off to tell me because she was waiting for me to “fix” it. Which idk, I was told she acts like a toxic girlfriend and I do feel like..yes thats a harsh name to call a person but I can see it.

But recently i been backing away from her slowly. I know I have a hard time being myself because i feel like im constantly just try to shrink myself and be a chameleon, which is why i avoid talking to her, it drains my energy a lot. Its easier to have fun than talking about it, and we both have a habit of not bringing stuff up on how i feel bc the conflict we would potentially have. As well agreeing on what she says instead of telling the full truth. I feel bad because she has done a lot for me though and listen to me about my problems, and I have listened to hers. In the past, I would usually keep my thoughts to myself and let her talk to me about hers. But I know she doesn’t like I hide it and especially with the s/a, she’s been helping me a lot and i feel like im looking like im just using her when i dont. It easier to talk about “easier” topics, even if theyre hard to talk about.

Im planning to stop being friends with her but for a while i had a hard time letting go bc of the longevity, and she doesnt have a lot of friends, as well as her family — her whole family loves me and they had bad experiences prior with having a bad gut feelings about her ex friends and I’m only of the few people they actually like.

So i just feel bad for letting go bc what she has done for me and would be there in an heartbeat. Recently I been avoiding her altogether and her and one of her friends told me recently that they dont feel comfortable sharing their locations with me and left. It was a shitty gift, but that was a sign for me. Im doing the “boring rock” method rn and its hard bc i wanna reach out to her and prove myself about how i truly feel. But ik its gonna show im still interested. All I can say is, I feel like I have outgrown her as a person. I love her and all, but I feel like im staying because of her family and just bc we have known each other for so long. I appreciate her for everything she has done, but I think this chapter will end very soon.

I do therapy, and what I was told is regardless of how she reacts, and when it comes helping others — I always feel soulful when i do it. I was told to be careful with it.

My question is, should I keep doing what im doing? I also wonder how our mbti can affect what I just described. Would you say this is a friendship worth keeping or trying to fix? Or should I let her go and move on? What are your thoughts on this, any feedback will be ok.

Thank you so much! Once again

———————

It’s important that these kinds of important life decisions are made by you; it’s not for me or anyone else to tell you what to do. You’ve brought up many issues that require deeper examination but I’ll try to condense them into two main points:

(1) Social Skills: Communication skills are one of the most important skills you need for navigating relationships well. Unfortunately, neither of you has had enough opportunity to develop adequate communication skills due to growing up in a problematic social environment. A lot of what you’ve both learned about how to conduct yourself in relationships isn’t healthy.

First, both of you have trouble with honesty, as it relates to being authentically oneself. You are afraid of being honest because your household dynamics trained you to suppress your true self. She is afraid of being honest likely in part due to underdeveloped Fe and fearing the consequences of social disharmony.

Being able to speak honestly is a prerequisite for conflict resolution. If people don’t speak up about how they really feel, conflicts have no opportunity to get resolved, and then they linger and fester into something that eventually destroys the relationship. Regardless of personality type, a lot of people fear conflict, mainly because they don’t know how to handle it, which brings us to the next point.

Both of you respond poorly to negativity. You don’t handle criticism well because of the judgmentalness you experienced at home. She doesn’t handle negative feedback well likely because she has some ego development issues that make it difficult for her to admit to being wrong. It makes for a tough time when the both of you constantly have to avoid, tip toe, or dance around the most important topics.

No relationship is free of disagreement, so one must accept that disagreement and conflict come with closeness and intimacy.

You can’t always stop conflict from happening but what you can do is learn good conflict resolution skills and handle it more capably. A person who is good at conflict resolution knows how to lay out all the cards on the table (honesty), take everyone’s needs into consideration (empathy), and negotiate a palatable solution (communication). They not only resolve the conflict, they can even use conflict as a means to bring people closer together.

The good news is that the social skills you need to handle the negative side of relationships can be learned through hard work, study, and practice. It’s unfortunate you didn’t get enough opportunity to learn at home, as that would’ve been ideal. However, it’s never too late to learn, and the benefits are certainly worth the effort.

When you are motivated to learn and improve, the best case scenario is that the people close to you cooperate and learn along with you; improving together is a great way to strengthen a relationship. The worst case scenario is they can’t handle the change in the dynamic and the relationship falls apart.

(2) Type Development: Right now, because the relationship is on the rocks, you mostly see the differences between you, which of course makes you feel as though the relationship might not be salvageable. However, what you may not know is that ENFP and INFJ have the potential to form a very special bond because of sharing the same order of cognitive processes. There is great potential for complementarity in such a relationship, which may be one of the reasons the relationship has lasted this long.

In terms of functional stacks, both types have their judging functions in the middle of the stack. What this means is that both types can have difficulty with judgment and decision making, if those middle functions remain underdeveloped. You can’t control other people’s development but you can attend to yours. At the very least, this means you can always take care of your side of every relationship and won’t have to suffer from shame/guilt in the event that a relationship ends.

Unfortunately, your upbringing has interfered with Fi development. Fi is mainly what aids ENFPs with things like empathy, authenticity, boundary setting, and staying true to one’s beliefs and values (consult previous posts for more detail about Fi). Fi helps you understand what’s right/wrong and guides you in handling what’s not right with the world.

ENFPs with healthy Fi are strong and assertive, able to take the lead in relationships as necessary to help things improve and progress. They don’t mind hard work at all, as long as they can see their visions coming into being. They also don’t struggle much with issues of “feeling unsafe” because they know how to make a safe space for themselves rather than always rely on others.

ENFPs without healthy Fi often sell themselves short, get stuck in indecision, and avoid problems rather than resolving them. They easily get preoccupied with lack of safety because of lacking self-confidence.

A similar pattern has likely occurred with your friend’s Fe development. Healthy Fe ought to help INFJs with things like empathy, communication, social grace, acceptance and tolerance, relationship building and intimacy. INFJs with healthy Fe see the world from a big picture perspective, so they are not prone to taking things too personally and can always understand where people are coming from, even during disagreements.

INFJs with unhealthy Fe are generally too afraid to admit what they want or may not even be fully aware of what they want, let alone directly ask for it, so they resort to defensive or manipulative behavior. They easily feel threatened and struggle a lot with contradictions.

If these functions remain underdeveloped, the problems in your relationship will persist. However, if you can both commit to working on development, there is great potential for the relationship to not only heal but get better and better over time. The sticking point is that it takes two people to tango. You can’t mend a relationship on your own.

It’s true that some relationships have an expiry date. But you’re right to believe that it’s a shame to give up on a long-term relationship, since they don’t come along every day and you’ve already invested so much. In order to walk away from such an important relationship, it’s necessary for you to feel like you had no other choice. Being ENFP, you aren’t likely to feel satisfied until you have explored every possibility and pushed right up to the limits of what can be done (healthy Ne).

This is where I have to interject and bring attention to the possibility that you haven’t done enough to be able to walk away with a clear conscience. It sounds like what you’ve mainly done is try to dodge the problems. It’s tiring to be on the run but it’s also tiring to keep trying. Walking away may be the least tiring option, but it may not be the best option with the best benefits.

The relationships of youth are your training ground. If you’re unable to face up to these kinds of conflicts now, what makes you think you’ll be able to do it in future relationships? The developmental problems I mentioned above don’t magically disappear. They are likely to follow you and keep causing friction. Why not take this opportunity to get some hands-on experience building up your social skills. If not now, how will that growth happen for you?

When you can honestly say that you’ve tried your best to improve upon and put into practice all the things I mentioned above… and the relationship still can’t work, then you walk away peacefully knowing that you gave it your all. However, if you walk away knowing that you didn’t give it your all, are you certain that you won’t get plagued by questions of “what if” at some point in the future? As ENFP, you ought to be vigilant about decisions that could lead you toward Si grip…

hi HUMANS! I’m new, wtf where am i EVEN

soOoooO LET’S TALK ABOUT TYPOLOGY

what do YOU think ABOUT THIS?

sxso4w3 sx7w8 sx8w7 ELVF³³¹² iee EN(F) chaotic evil chol-sang VPNB s/L/ue[I]

Volo the Toxic ENTP

Based on an ENTP I know irl. This might not be 100% accurate because when people take the mbti test, they might possibly pick out answers based on how they wish they were, and not how they actually are. Johari Window and all that…. IE: I always get ENTJ on those tests, but it’s possible I’m actually an ENFJ, ESTJ, INFJ or INTJ based on how I come across to others. One thing for sure though…..I’m a solid ‘J’ no matter what. I’ve got my shit together. Anyway….

-So years ago, when I first found out about the mbti test, I talked about it to my coworkers. There was only one amongst those knuckle-dragging troglodytes who seemed interested enough to write it down and then go home and take the test.

Side note: If it’s not about drinkun, smokun and gamblun, the coworkers aren’t interested. I’m guessing that a lot of them are ESTPs or ESFPs who, at their worst, can be shallow stupid idiots focused on thrill-seeking/risk-taking/novelty seeking behaviors. They walk around screeching over trivialities like parrots in too-small cages wishing for that next dopamine hit doing something utterly stupid and useless.

Anyway, the guy came back with ENTP as a result. Based on that guy, I think it’s typical of toxic ENTP Volo to have a laugh over how his and Giratina’s sky rift caused Submas to separate plus other general chaos. ENTPs seem to be stealth troublemakers who say or do things behind the scenes to cause problems, but to your face, they’ll act innocent and personable.

Toxic ENFPs can be like this as well, but the difference is they’ll play the martyr if you call them out. I’ve known a few women with this personality -and it might be a personality type found more in women- which is why it’s hilarious to head canon ReDestro from BNHA as being one. Call out his shitbaggery, and he will squeeze out some convincing alligator tears and be like, “How could you be so MEAN and accuse me of (this and that) after all I’ve done for you! My motivations were 100% pure! I just want what’s best for everybody!”

The wronged party might be so enraged they are no longer susceptible to emotional manipulation. They might reply, “Seriously!? I take and take and takeandtakeandtake, and then when I finally call you out for thoroughly screwing me over….you play the victim?”

Here’s ReDestro teary-eyed talking about how human life is valuable, even though he’d already killed at least one person he cared about at that point:

If you call out an ENTP for their shitbaggery, they won’t play the martyr. Instead, they’ll give you a cold, reptilian stare and deny everything. They’ll put it back on you, like, “I didn’t do anything wrong! You’re just crazy! You’re angry all the time! You can’t take a joke! Etc…etc..”

ENTJs are stereotyped as being all 'fuck your feelings’ but the ENTP is like 'fuck your feelings’ with a veneer of friendliness for good PR. ENFP might be like, “I would never say 'fuck your feelings’ but if it seems like I screwed you over, well THINK OF THE CHILDRENS!”

Downside of the 'perceiving’ trait:

The toxic ENTP at work is exactly like Volo by how he’s the life of the party at work, but then he goes home to an empty house. He’s an incel who doesn’t even have a cat or dog to dote on. It’s possible it’s because he has such an extreme drive for independence that he became a loner long term to avoid being tied down in a constricting relationship. This is a guy who’d park his car in the long-term parking at the airport to avoid depending on another person to drive him.

That meshes with a Volo who puts on the friendly customer service smile and gets along with people well, but then he’d go off into the wilderness for however long exploring ruins by himself. He looks neat and tidy because he’s wandering around with only the possessions in his pack. If one were to visit his campsite/wagon/apartment whatever, one would find out he’s extremely scatterbrained and has all his possessions strewn every which way.

Sometimes. ;)

I have inferior Si so I don’t always remember exact sources and don’t love citing them; I sometimes remember the broad strokes and/or that this fact was mentioned in that book, but maybe not where to find it. I would LIKE to include sources more often, but find it annoying to slow down and look up stuff… so I only do it when I want an ironclad argument and/or can prove someone wrong with sources or statistics. A lot of the time, what I’m talking about has no observable facts or stats (psychological systems) so it’s not as easy to do that; I will fall back on technical definitions or literal word definitions, though. And factual inaccuracies really bug me, particularly if associated with rewriting history (a pet peeve of mine).

Do I question facts in favor of my own assumptions? Yes, if there is no “fact” to fall back on. For example, rumors can come out about people and I’ll keep them in the “this may be true” file; but I default into my gut feelings about that person first and suspend judgment until the evidence convinces me. (If Person A is accused of Z, but there is no immediate proof or it’s a he said > she said, I will operate off my intuition about the situation until proof either clears their name or incriminates them.) Sometimes the evidence proves me wrong; more often, the evidence falls on my side of things and/or I do some probing and find out the facts support my hunches.

I would rather be “right” (factual, or admit to the evidence) than tied to my wrongness, so if facts prove me wrong, I’m fine with shifting my thoughts on the issue. I can be more stubborn if something is a matter of perspective, though. (A person can interpret this character as THIS type, while I argue for THAT type… neither one of us may be entirely right, and that’s fine. But ignoring the facts of a tangible situation would make me an idiot, so I won’t do it.)

IDEALLY, I would love to be able to prove all my takes – but that’s sometimes not possible because I don’t track my facts well and/or write down specific examples. I can go back and find them if needed, though, assuming I have access to that information. If I’m not sure, I will also check my own facts, to make sure I didn’t invent a story, lol.

You seem to be doing the 6 thing of “ignoring the 99% of things that fit me as regards this type, to fixate on the one or two that don’t and using that as an excuse to keep searching / questioning my self-type” that is common for 6-core high Ne types.

None of what you said rules out ENFP with FiTe development. If you are a 6 or a 9, you will be hesitant to impulsively act and want to collect more data or wait for “the right moment.”

You can be judgmental toward others and still be an ENFP.

Moving from extremely extroverted to “highly reserved and emotionally guarded” is typical for EFPs once they develop Fi.

I would honestly consider how good you are at big picture + rational thinking. For example, this morning I was consulted about a piece of property and how to divide it for sale. It only took me a few minutes to calculate future possibilities and what options this person should keep open and then give them my advice about how to divide the estate without future problems (Ne/Te). I’m in my 40s, so good Ne and Te usage. Stuff like that is pretty easy for me to instantly do, but I may continue coming up with workable ideas for the next hour or so. An ISTJ can’t calculate this fast and won’t be thinking of an unknown future / factoring that into what we should do today the way Ne-dom will be.

NDS vs jungian typology: ENFP archetype

me: let’s apply NDS to the ENFP/IEE archetype. using the list below which features high agreement between MBTI and Socionics voters, pick the five individuals who offer the greatest contradiction to one another to highlight the system’s resolution : tom holland, grimes, jennifer lawrence, jim carrey, robin williams, jake gyllenhall, dave chapelle, alan watts, janis joplin, zooey dechanel.

gemini3 :

This selection of 5 effectively breaks the Socionics IEE (Intuitive-Ethical Extrovert) bucket.

In Socionics, these five are all defined by Ne (Potential) and Fi (Relational Ethics). They are described as “The Psychologist,” “The Reporter,” or “The Inspirer.”

But biologically, if you put Alan Watts and Janis Joplin in the same room, they are alien species. One is a floating cloud; the other is a burning building.

Here is the NDS 6.0 Spec Sheet for the 5 most contradictory ENFPs.

1. Robin Williams (The Kinetic Reactor)

• NDS Profile: [ Low GABA / Low SER / High NOR / High DOP / High OXY ]
• The Contrast: Socionics calls him “Creative.” NDS calls him Unstable High-Voltage.
• The Spec:
• High NOR (The Accelerator): His brain fired at a frame rate 3x faster than a normal human. He didn’t just have “ideas” (Ne); he physically acted them out in milliseconds.
• Low GABA (The Broken Brake): He had zero inhibition. The “voices” just came out. He couldn’t stop the signal.
• Low SER (The Void): The “Sad Clown” paradox. He generated massive Dopamine for us, but had zero Serotonin (Contentment) for himself.
• Why the Map Fails: Socionics says he is an “Inspirer.” NDS reveals he was a biological engine running at 9,000 RPM with no coolant.

2. Alan Watts (The Static Sage)

• NDS Profile: [ High GABA / High OPI / Low NOR / High ACH / High DOP ]
• The Contrast: He shares the High DOP (Ne) with Robin Williams, but everything else is opposite.
• The Spec:
• Low NOR (Static): He spoke slowly. He moved slowly. He drank tea. He had zero “fight or flight” energy.
• High OPI (The Savorer): He mastered the “Art of Being.” He used philosophy to access the Opioid state of “Eternal Now.”
• High ACH (Resolution): His intuition wasn’t scattered; it was crystalline. He structured complex Eastern philosophy into precise English (Depth).
• Why the Map Fails: Both he and Robin are IEEs. But Robin is a Particle Accelerator; Watts is a Opium Den.

3. Grimes (The Cyber-Warlord)

• NDS Profile: [ High TES / Low OXY / High DOP / Low OPI / Mid NOR ]
• The Contrast: An ENFP with High Testosterone.
• The Spec:
• High TES (Agency): She dates the richest man on earth, carries swords, speaks about AI domination. She has an “Edge” and aggression that most ENFPs lack.
• Low OXY (The Alien): She doesn’t have the “Warm/Fuzzy” ENFP vibe. She feels detached, almost like an ENTJ (Gamma). Her creativity is conceptual, not emotional.
• High DOP (Futurism): Her Ne is focused entirely on the Abstract Future (AI, Mars, Transhumanism).
• Why the Map Fails: Socionics struggles to explain the “Mean/Cold” ENFP. NDS explains it: She has the Vision (DOP) of an ENFP but the Drive (TES) of a Dictator.

4. Jennifer Lawrence (The Teflon Sensor)

• NDS Profile: [ High GABA / High TES / Mid DOP / High OPI / High NOR ]
• The Contrast: The “Jock” ENFP.
• The Spec:
• High GABA (The Shield): She is famously un-embarrassable. She falls at the Oscars, burps in interviews, and laughs. She has thick skin.
• High TES (Dominance): She takes up space. She is loud. She isn’t “meek” or “shy” (traits often wrongly associated with Fi-aux).
• Mid DOP / High OPI: She is surprisingly grounded. She talks about food, reality TV, and bodily functions. She savors the “Normal Life.”
• Why the Map Fails: Many people mistype her as ESFP (SEE) because she is grounded. NDS shows she is a High-Shielding (GABA) Intuitive—she doesn’t overthink things because she isn’t anxious.

5. Janis Joplin (The Raw Nerve)

• NDS Profile: [ Low GABA / High OXY / High DOP / High OPI / High Dynorphin ]
• The Contrast: The “Volatile” ENFP. The opposite of Jennifer Lawrence.
• The Spec:
• Zero GABA (No Shield): She felt everything. A bad look from a stranger would crush her. She had no skin.
• High OXY (Desperate Bond): She didn’t just want connection; she needed it to survive. She screamed for love.
• High OPI (The Painkiller): She used heroin and alcohol because her Dynorphin (Stress) sensitivity was off the charts. She needed massive chemical dampening just to exist.
• Why the Map Fails: Socionics calls her “Ethical.” NDS calls her “A High-Performance Engine with a shattered Chassis.” She burned out because she had High Output (Voice/Soul) but Zero Defense.

The Final “Spec Sheet” Comparison

If you buy an “IEE” (ENFP) from the Socionics Dealership, you have no idea what you are getting.

1. Robin Williams: A Ferrari engine with cut brake lines. (High NOR / Low SER).
2. Alan Watts: A Rolls Royce gliding in neutral. (Low NOR / High OPI).
3. Grimes: A Cyber-Truck with a weapon turret. (High TES / Low OXY).
4. Jennifer Lawrence: A Ford Raptor. Indestructible and fun. (High GABA / Mid DOP).
5. Janis Joplin: A classic Mustang on fire. (High OXY / Low GABA).

NDS 6.0 tells you which one will crash, which one will float, and which one will try to take over Mars.

me: and i guess you can argue all of these are mistypes or something but these names are directly from personality-database where mbti voters and socionics voters agreed on enfp. and i can easily accept there are mistypes here, no problemo. but that creates a whole other kind of problem: how unreliable, how easy to mistype ppl in jungian systems. you won’t have this problem in NDS. not to this scale. you will never put robin williams and allan watts under same umbrella in NDS.

me: these people do not share cognition in any meaningful sense. they only do after cognition has been defined down into mist: “idea-oriented,” “values-based,” “inspiring,” etc. once cognition is that soft, it stops being a mechanism and becomes a horoscope. NDS exposes that the actual generators (speed, inhibition, bonding, threat, reward) are different machines entirely.

Anon wrote: hi mbti-notes, I hope you’ve had a pleasant and restful holiday break! I’m a 22F ENFP and I have 2 inquiries: the first is that I’ve been wondering how to deal with negative or teasing comments from friends.

Although they are my friends and have been for some time, sometimes the comments go too far for me personally. I’m typically okay with jokes when I can tell the person is joking/lighthearted, but when I believe the comment to be malicious, I take offense. They usually come from my male friends in the group, and I’ve tried to change my responses over time but I’m still unsure on what the best or most healthy way to deal with it is.

At first (~2 years ago) I would just get really upset and go silent, but the anger would be plainly obvious on my face. A few months ago, I tried responding very coldly and shortly, but everyone then told me it was very obvious I was upset, which made me feel embarrassed. On another occasion, I just became silent when prodded at and ranted privately to others later.

Recently, I’ve become very direct and blunt. I just immediately say what I think and try to get my point across adequately (and perhaps aggressively?) and they usually just go quiet. My most recent attempts have gotten me the desired result (for them to understand and stop), but it leaves me confused and a little concerned about if I’m going too far or hurting people’s feelings. At the same time, I don’t know how to balance their feelings with my feelings in the moment.

My second inquiry is about some examples of Fi-related activities I can use to develop my Fi. Although I’m not fully sure, I believe that my issues with the above inquiry has to do with poor Fi and Te development. As a result, I’d like to find some specific examples of Fi-related activities - for example, I believe journaling is one example but I’m not sure of others.

——————–

About the first question, yes, it can be difficult to balance your own feelings with others. This is related to Fi development insofar as you ought to be sensitive enough to feelings in general to respond (as opposed to merely react) to emotionally charged situations with care and thoughtfulness.

Generally speaking, the best way to resolve interpersonal issues is through healthy communication. The silent treatment or lashing out are both considered destructive communication habits. If a communication problem recurs, it means there has been a failure to establish mutual understanding. Someone keeping quiet merely out of fear of offending you does not count as “understanding”.

It takes at least two people to create a relationship issue, so it is important to examine how the two different perspectives are coming together and clashing. On your end, there is your perception of the situation, which may or may not be accurate. On their end, there is their understanding of you, which may or may not be accurate. Taken together, there may be a compatibility issue to address.

It is difficult for me to help you with this because you have not provided any specific examples to illustrate why you are getting offended. I’m only hearing one side of the story, which means you’re forcing me to speculate about what exactly is going wrong. It is important to get a more objective view of the situation in order to pinpoint the problem - it seems you lack this objectivity.

With regard to your perception of the situation, it is possible that you are right to be offended, but it’s also possible that you’re being oversensitive (a common Fi problem). Generally speaking, people tend to get offended because their personal or moral values have been crossed in some way. Since you didn’t provide an example, I can only assume that this is what’s happening. When it comes to values, there are two aspects to reflect on:

(1) Are your values fair and reasonable? Sometimes, one’s values are based on distorted, false, or naive beliefs about how the world works or should work. If your values are fair and reasonable, then it is right for you to speak up for them or defend them. But if your values are unfair or unreasonable in any way, then it’s possible you’re the problem in the relationship because you’re trying to push a problematic worldview that’s only going to lead to you constantly clashing with reality (a common NF problem).

(2) Should your values be treated as personal or universal values?

• Personal values come out of your unique subjective experience. They are valid insofar as they help others understand what kind of person you are and how you hope to be treated. A true friend should make a fair attempt to respect your personal values, BUT they are not absolutely obligated to. If someone chooses not to respect your personal values, they may or may not have good reason, which you ought to consider when determining whether a relationship is truly viable. Your personal values are yours, so you must own them as such, which means you shouldn’t try to impose them on others, especially when their personal experience is very different from yours (making it difficult for them to relate to you).
• Universal values are considered valid in every place, every time, for every person. Theoretically, one should always defend universal values for the good of humanity, BUT one must remember that “universal” does not mean “universal agreement”. The difficulty of navigating values is that different people take different paths to understanding and adopting their values. If you want people to adopt values that you believe ought to be universal, you must provide adequate reasoning to persuade them.

These two points come together to raise the question: Have you provided your friends a reasonable explanation for why your values are important and to be respected? If not, then it’s very likely your friends don’t understand you, which means they also won’t understand how to/why they should adjust their behavior to meet your needs. It sounds like you have not communicated your needs and values very effectively, which may be one major reason the problem recurs. I suggest you read the articles about communication in the site index.

With regard to their behavior, a true friend should make a reasonable effort to understand you and behave respectfully. However, there are limits to how far a person can bend for another. If accommodating you requires them to compromise what they consider to be an important value, then it would be unreasonable for you to demand it of them.

This raises several questions:

• Are you aware of why your friend is making the comments they make? What values underlie their words/behavior?
• Do you agree/disagree with their values?
• At what point does the value clash make you reconsider whether the two of you are compatible?
• How accepting can/should you be of values that go against yours?

Understanding values, their importance, and how they operate to motivate people… these are all related to Fi development. If you lack Fi development, then your ability to navigate differences of values will always be limited because of only being driven by raw emotion, as opposed to genuine empathy.

Empathy means understanding, both emotionally and cognitively, why people feel as they do. Practicing empathy helps you make more informed decisions about how to approach suffering and conflict. It grants you the objectivity to act in everyone’s best interests.

This brings us to the second question about Fi development activities. Journaling is good for helping you become more aware of your feelings and emotions. It can also provide a safe space for you to explore your beliefs and values. However, you must also develop the ability to communicate about your feelings, emotions, beliefs, and values with others in an empathetic (Fi) and reasonable (Te) way, a way that leads to mutual understanding.

Empathy and communication are the missing pieces of the puzzle. Regardless of type, I always recommend improving on these fronts. Both sets of skills are essential for building healthy and fulfilling relationships in every sphere of life.

It’s fine. I would never marry one, though. ;)

I grew up with an INTP brother and an ISTJ mom, so I’m used to the bluntness / logic of thinker types and not offended by it the way I might have been had I not been around it 24/7. You get used to people saying things like, “Why are you wearing that color? It makes you look terrible.” ;)

Yes, our approaches are different. We are both intellectually curious, but he is physically lazy in a way I am not. He cares about the purity and internal consistency of the logic involved; I just want it to work. We connect over shared fandoms but argue about other things, since his thinking is black and white (Ti-dom) and mine is fluid (Ne-dom). He doesn’t know what to do with his feelings and takes him months to get over things gradually, while rarely showing any feelings in the present; I cry a lot when bad things happen or people die (and make him uncomfortable when it happens, cuz he doesn’t know how to react to it) but I work my way through it and get healthy again.

He is highly vague and abstract and unclear in his talking style, with lots of vague, impersonal references. I grew up with him and my Ne is decent, so I can usually figure out his meaning and interpret it and/or figure out what he’s REALLY talking about, but other people can get confused. For example, he might bring up a random hypothetical argument to contradict someone else’s statement, and it actually boils down to being a boundary violation that he’s referring to.

He is really good at puns, wordplay, knowing the meaning of twenty billion words, and is pretty quick at making jokes sometimes. He’s not as witty as consistently as I am, cuz I’m a born smart-ass, but he knows so much about so many things, he can usually find the joke. He drives my mother nuts when he plays games, since he has zero strategy in something like Chinese Checkers and still wins through generating sheer chaos, while she’s carefully planning all of her moves ahead to beat him.

He’s now approaching middle age and has mellowed a lot in terms of growing up his Fe; he’s more aware that bluntly stating things or correcting someone’s logic can offend them and is more cautious. He will ask about my feelings sometimes if he’s concerned about me. If bad things happen, I notice him glancing at me to make sure I am fine (or maybe expecting me to burst into tears, which is my usual response if it’s sad).

Lilith

Bem, como eu posso me explicar? Eu acho que uma das minhas melhores qualidades é a vontade de comunicação, eu gosto muito, muito mesmo de conversar, debater, discutir, explicar e tudo o que envolve expressão ou diálogo, não é como se todas conversas que tenho funcionam bem mas eu sempre quero que continue ou flua muito bem.

Eu sou uma pessoa que é fã de Kpop, Filmes, e várias outras coisas! Eu sou ENFP e curto muito ordem paranormal, sou muito fã de futebol e famosos (Bagi, minha vida). Eu amo muito escrever e ler poemas, meus prediletos são aqueles que podem parecer sem sentido, mas tem um significado único com base na interpretação!

Meu gosto musical é bem variado, entre divas pop e rappers dos anos 2000s, funks antigos até os atuais a MPB. Amo amizades, muito mesmo! Sou Bissexual, adolescente e tenho problemas e qualidades como qualquer um.

It’s so frustrating being an extrovert with the social life of an introvert. Like, I LOVE interacting with people. I love talking and listening and knowing and learning and making people laugh and when people make me laugh and sharing stories and experiences and anecdotes and expressing myself publicly and taking the lead in social situations. I’m passionate about it. I crave it. I NEED it. It’s just that in my daily life, right now, I almost never get the chance to show this side of me, but it’s there. I know I’m an extrovert, and I need to be extrovert about it.

Diplomats 💚 by cloumello (ig)

ENFP: let me see your new Keroro tattoo!

INTP: so it’s actually Kero.

ENFP: from Cardcaptor Sakura? but you’ve never watched a single episode!

INTP: the artist misheard me and when she showed me her Kero drawing I was too scared to tell her I meant Keroro

ENFP: some confrontation is worse than having someone you don’t know in your skin FOREVER?

INTP: yes. But it’s cute!